


Red Dwarf: A Collection of Ficlets

by orphan_account



Category: Red Dwarf (UK TV)
Genre: Fluff, Random Adventures
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:13:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24706633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: This is a collection of small Red Dwarf fics I usually write on impulse. Ratings and tags may change as I add more.
Relationships: Dave Lister & Arnold Rimmer
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was based on a dialogue prompt because I'm not original whatsoever.

“It’s three in the morning, what are you doing?”

Lister stopped dead in his tracks. “Nothing?” He said it like a question.

“Come on, give it up.” Rimmer sounded accusing.

Lister said nothing, trying to make his face as neutral as possible.

“I knew it!”

“Knew what?!”

“You’re sneaking out without me again! You’re gonna go off with the others on some sort of holiday and have pip-tastic time while you leave me here to do all your work.” He glared at Lister.

“No, I’m not. Kryten and Cat don’t even know I’m up right now and I have no plans to go off on a “pip-tastic” holiday, especially not without you.”

Rimmer looked surprised, and softened slightly. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh. Um, then what are you doing?”

Lister thought for a moment. He didn’t want his cover blown, so he said the first thing that came to mind. “I’m off for one more curry and beer.”

Their moment was ruined when Rimmer said, “Another curry and beer?! You’ve already had four today! I guess some things never change.”

“Smeg off, Rimmer.” Lister cast an annoyed glare at him, but as he was walking out, he glanced briefly in to the bag which carried the clumsily but lovingly knitted sweater with an “H” on it, and smiled softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got the idea Lister knits because you can see him do it in the background in "Parallel Universe" and "Quarantine" (even though he was basically forced to do it in that episode.)
> 
> Oh, and I put in "pip-tastic" because it just sounded like something Rimmer would say.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is just a bit longer than the last one, and it's also based on a dialogue prompt.

“Shhhh! Can you at least _try_ to be a bit quieter? They can probably hear us right now.”

Lister, Cat, Rimmer and Kryten tip toed their way around the side of a large and musty smelling building that held the GELF’s supply of fuel. They weren't exactly doing it quietly, but they were trying their best.

“We are, Rimmer.” Lister said, exasperated. “You’re the only person who’s spoken the entire time since we landed.”

Rimmer attempted to retort, but failed and silently cursed himself. He looked over at Kryten and Cat to see how they were doing. Kryten was checking his scanners every minute or so and the Cat was doing the same with his mirror.

“We could get arrested for this, you know?,” he hissed in a whisper.

“Yes, Sir.” Kryten spoke up for the first time since they landed on the GELF’s planet. “But would you rather be stranded out in deep space in a small ship with no fuel, barely any food and old beer?”

“Yeah”, said Lister with a smirk. “And you’d have to be around me even more. Starbug’s a small ship, there’s nowhere for you to go off and do your weird meditation practices to get away from me.”

Rimmer’s face contorted in a mixture of horror and disgust, and he shook his head. But after a pause, he said, “Lister, it’s not ‘weird meditation practices’. It’s a ship regulation to get rest and reset your mind.”

 _Yeah, but they only assigned it for you_ , Lister thought. He sighed and didn’t say anything else.

They finally reached the back of the building and found a window to climb through. Once they were inside, they looked around.

It was quite surprising how clean it was: most things were dusted off and different amounts and types of fuel were stacked in fairly neat piles. It was a drastic difference from what was outside. Rimmer spotted a particularly large stack and headed over to it with the others. As they crouched down behind it, Lister and Cat took out their bazookoids, just in case.

Lister, having experience with these types of things from his childhood and their adventures on Red Dwarf, gave them their instructions.

“Okay, Kryten, you go and distract the GELFs over there, preferably without violence. I’ll go and nick half of the amount of fuel we need, while Cat, you take the other. Rimmer...," He thought for a moment. “You just try your best to not run away. Sounds good?”

Everyone nodded.

“Great. We go when I give the signal.”


End file.
